The Color of Light

There are certain memories that will never fade from this memory of mine. They will always stay there to be revisited and opened again and again. Those moments that are captured in this memory are ones that made a paramount stance in my life. Even though they are far and few between in recent past, I treasure them when they do come around. Which happily is more often now that I've found a special someone. Thee special someone. That one, for me. Perhaps it's too early to give him that much credit, but I can't help that he feels so right. Give me memories and moments that could make the beautiful color of light real.

Mindless

This fortress wrapped around this heart. These words that turned these little girl dreams into those big girl problems. That smile that is forced to be spread across these lips of these lies to be told. Those lies we choose to allow those we love to believe. The want versus need. The good battles evil. The control fights the chaos. The balance. The equality. The peace. There was never a way.

This Digital World

Remember when things were so beautiful you wish you had something to take a picture? Then we got cameras and they just can't seem to be able to capture the moment just right. The picture doesn't do the true, authentic beauty any justice. Then conversely, when you show a picture of someone who doesn't look "picture perfect" so you quickly explain it doesn't do that person any justice? Everything seems to be done in a second hand matter. How we receive news, how we communicate, break up with someone, ask someone out, how we get to know someone. What's next proposing to someone? What happened to the real, true, beauty in the moments that cannot be captured. That only the ones experiencing will understand how fucking incredible it was. It seems as though the technology undermines the moment. Making it hopeful it could happen again because we can look at it right whenever we choose. Reliving it again and again until it becomes dull. Faded. Exposed. Forgotten.

Don't you realize, we are all on the same team?

Here I am. Trying to be the person I want to be while growing into the person I am supposed to be. The two can't meet, at least not here, for damn sure not now. Consider in my mind the ultimate place for a bachelor pad. Potential interests coming and going, merely sparking my attention never creating fire. Like clouds coming and going unnoticed. I want to stay in the same spot forever, alone, by myself, until I can put everything together. Am I living without a pulse? Seeing without sight? Hearing without sound? These vitals don't mean much for the dead. Walking half alive, I'm walking dead. I scream to myself to wake up, but these moments slip through my fingers as if I were trying to hold air. But it's the same damn principle, nothing is really
   there.

Tell me somethin', cause I've been tryin to work it out.

Say what's missing here. This can't be it, there has to be something more than freshly expelled tears. Hold me sweet, forgive me the woes that disturb you when you sleep. Hold me close, for I am small.


I can't help but fucking see through it all.

Calling Out to All Listeners.

After a great lose, for the other team, my roommate and I finally arrive home (our dorm sweet dorm) and decide to take a little drive around. We talked like we normally do when we drive together. It is all you can do, the radio is no good! How old "timey"does that sound? After we finished driving around we headed back inside.. ran actually because it is frigid down here. Like a bitter wind! Since having just talked about a heavy topic there is nothing better to change the mood with than some throwback shows. Talk about a time warp, we are at the part of our lives we haven't even begun to dream past because it already seems so surreal. For whatever reason watching Beavis and Butthead popped into mind, the roomie agreed. We begin watching it. That show is fucking hilarious, if you excuse the minor subliminal messages. Block them out, and you see the hilarity behind it. As well as the stupidity. Let me rephrase, being blind doesn't mean you can't see. I hope you can keep up and be able to leap your thought process to where I'm going beeeccaauuuse: Therefore our despise is going to be our own fault. Keep reading this will all make since.
Normally, I'm a very objective person. Observant and remember the weird facts to make myself look interesting later, but this time I'm serious. Look around, and don't be bias, or read Freakonomics (something you should anyways because it is a great book) and tell me, or yourself, or your future you what is happening in our lives. Write it down as factual as possible, read it out loud, and THINK whats going to happen next? Why? Look at studying history. When researching what happened in the "ancient" times do you ever sorta wish the people would just wake up and notice they are headed towards a very bad place? *cough* Holocaust. The German people didn't even know about the jewish executions.

Now tell me what you think our worlds fate is going to be.

Check it http://chillingeffects.org

Crisp Leaves, Autumn Breeze

There is truly nothing that contains more bliss than being in the mood of creativity. At a coffee shop, with cool fall weather, a hazelnut cappuccino, a cute boy texting you, and what seems to be like all the time in the world. Everything seems to have a beautiful presence to it when this mood occurs. Like you can see the beauty in the simplest of things.. as well as complex. Your mind is calm, yet sparks of inspiration hit you like lightening sending you into a whirlwind of endorphins and urge to make this inspiration into matter. But I have to admit, there is a tad bit of underlying melancholy that can be felt. For me, it's missing the people I love. And memories. Oh yes, the many memories that flood my mind when I think about them. Luckily there are two women conversing about birds near and are keeping me mildly uplifted.

So since I'm in this mood of making craft, I'm going to attempt writing something... beautiful.

Explore the depths, and uncover the layers.
Everyday there are tiny prayers.
Speak the truth, and hear the lie,
Years go by without good-bye.

Haha... Redo.

The clock strikes five after eight, she wraps a purple cotton scarf around her neck and heads out into the night. She is immediately engulfed in the gray weather, a crisp breeze bites at her nose and other exposed limbs she forgot to cover. Her gloves, she forgot to wear her gloves. 'Oh well' she thinks and stuffs her hands in her pocket. Filled with emotion, she begins to unleash it. After 5 minutes of walking the cold doesn't seem to bother her anymore. Her mind is preoccupied, replaying and replaying what is now just a memory charged with sadness. A single tear slips from her amber brown eyes, her heart is burdened with conflicting feelings; like her chest is a war zone. She watches the breath come from her lips, it stays for a moment then dissipates quickly in the frigid air. Numbness has begun to take over her, inside and out. She slows down her pace and lets her knees go weak from under her as she sinks onto a park bench. The weight of her head falls back and she gazes somberly at the night sky that is dimly lit up by a crescent moon accompanied by minor twinkling. 'How could this happen to me?' she wanted to scream. That is the last thing she thought before her throat was slit from behind. Enabling her from doing so....
:)