Raw Material, for a wasteful mind.

Sex is such a great topic to talk about because both sexes can talk about it, nearly every person has done it, and its one of the most largely debated subjects.
It has to obliged by rules, and standards. It must also be subjected to perjury in one way or another. Everyone has their own perception on it, what they consider to be good or bad. In my opinion, we have turned something that two people can truly use for expressing emotion and tagged too many if's and's or but's on to it. Too many categories, it has been divided up too. What happened to the freedom of making love?. It's something amazing that, when you have sex, both people are feeling the closest they may ever get to knowing how someone else feels.
Sure, good sex between a man and a woman in holy matrimony exists somewhere.. I just haven't heard or seen of it. I think when raising children it is important to model what good sexual behavior deviates from. Like most animals, we learn our behavior by modeling the people that raise us. Since sex is a topic that may not be talked about in a lot of households, it still carries weight that should be modeled in a fashion of how to have a healthy sex life.
And, showing your kids porn is not the way to demonstrate healthy, respectful sex, P.S. Just that so many people I know, don't have a good ideology about sex. Me included. We are just a bunch of horny teenagers that are budding into adulthood. Sex is part of that adulthood, yet no one prepares you for the pain and the complications that having sex can bring. Obviously we all are pretty exposed to, 'if your gonna have sex, be safe' slogans. But what about the relationship part to being in a sexual relationship?
Things such as, how long should you wait to sleep with someone? Or, qualities someone should have before you sleep with them. I think these are important issues that are not addressed merely enough.

There are just so many aspects of sex. Just how it is applicable to every person. Its something that means different things to different people. Because its a part of your life that you have to figure out completely on your own.

Or maybe thats just me.

So long, leave the world behind

It's easy to take off your clothes and have sex..

People do it all the time, but opening up your soul to someone, letting them into you spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams.. 

That is being naked.

10 Things I would do if I went to Hawaii this Christmas Break.

I've never been. My hopes are planted on me going for my honeymoon;)

1. Night swimming
-preferably in the nude. Nothin' sexier than moonlight on wet boobs.
2. Surfing.
-This is a no brainer, it would be an every day must.
3. Hike to a waterfall.
-TOO ROMANTIC.
4. Tanning
- obvi, I live in Colorado.
5. Swimming with dolphins.
-After watching this incredible documentary about dolphins and how sensitive/receptive to humans they are, I would have too.
6. Do yoga at sunrise.
 -It is a vacation after all. Time for some soul relaxation!
7. Not shopping.
-That shit is soo expensive. I go to china town get that half off.
8. Go Kayaking in the friggen ocean!
-AHHH. I want too, I want too!!
9. Hook up with the locals. (Or my husband.)
-Alohaaaa
10. Scuba Diving
-This should actually be number one.

Anonymous

She gazes around at the ruins that now she must call home. Shallow graves are made for the ones that were lost. Little pieces of herself she watched die. Like children of her own, but there is no grief. For some were stolen from her by a thief. Can she be blamed for being ashamed? She lightly touches a spot on her neck, to check the pulse that tells the only truth she knows. Beating against her finger tips, she is aware that she is no longer scared. Every day is a war, and every night an escape. The only reality she can safely run too. Her dreams keep her alive. The fantasy world she plays in, a place her imagination is locked in, her freedom. No rules condemn her, no bad feelings crowd her, where her good is good enough. Like a flower, shrinking back down to its roots. Will it ever grow again? She shrinks down to gain herself. Feed off of what is hers, hers alone. Nobody may never know. May never hold the key that will unlock her. The key that would unleash her from herself. Because if she was, somebody great might be known, somebody nobody knows.

Welcome to the Rap Game

Call me a slut cause I fuck the world,
There will never be realness like this girl.
Brand new to this game, I need the fame
not enough money to make a name.
Better watch your back cause your next on my hit list,
don't blink cause you might just miss this. I'm a gift,
open me up like Christmas. I come through like a blizzard,
I'm a lyrical wizard. I'm on my pokeman flow, you already know.
Uh
Don't wanna wear clothes, I was born in nude. Like a new element,
I'll change you view. Ya you got attitude, suck my boob. Call me
your mama, but fuck that I'm blood with the Dali Lama.
Mhmm
Misunderstood, completely unreadable, bitches unbelievable,

they should know I'm unbeatable. I used to smoke that weed
to fulfill a need. Bitches think they know me, when they really
only read what pop up in they newsfeed.
Tryin to be original in a place full of copy cats, if you hear that, than
Rodger back. Yeah, Rodger that, I don't need to be black
to know how to rap or to even comprehend that our society is wack.
Take a step back and look at the facts. You can see it all around you,
cause its drownin you, cry for help but no one can save you. Like a bruise,
black and blue, this shits sicker than the mothafuckin flu.

Yeah, you know you heard it hear first! Get at me, I'm a genius behind this fuckin computer screen.
Its the Brown Theory biittch. :)

Jar of Random

It's amazing how time truly can change everything. How we look at people, what we think about things, the reasons in which we justify issues, our relationships, a young person to old, literally everything. Yeah, we all know time changes everything but do you ever stop and think what time has changed in your life? For me, it's realizing the people's opinions I used to value has changed to realizing how much I value my own opinion over others. Those certain people no longer have sub conscious control over the way I live my life. Thats a plus.
But I also have noticed the people I used to feel connected with, have become disconnected. Like the "sync" option is no longer there. It leaves me wondering if they feel the same way. I am much to scared to ask, therefore I blog about it. Haha. My entire high school experience has ended pre-maturely for me. I've gotten over the self conscious issue. A blessing I must say, girls, once you can stop putting so much emphasis on what you can't change, don't like, wish you didn't have, jealous that another girl does, crap, your mind, in one aspect can be set free. Trust me! I'm living the high life. Honestly, get real with yourself. If you have a flaw, admit it to yourself, get used to the idea that people probably already know what your flaws are and yet they still like you. Hmmm.... don't you still like people regardless of their flaws? Yes, you do!
Honestly, lets just all get honest. Brutally. We are just a bunch of compliment sucking-perfection seeking- irrational HUMAN BEINGS. If you ever get offended by what is true, it should be a reality check that, that little "perfection" stool you got your ass sitting on, isn't ever really going to support you. I hate to say this, but a cloud will never catch you honey. Your too fat...Sorry I'm not sorry. Now, I don't want to put myself up on that wicked stool of perfection, as much as I want to belong there too, it ain't neva guna happen. Someone I know would probably read this, and I'm going to go ahead and quote her, because I know exactly what she would say, "Bekah you get offended by everything. You are so hypocritical." Whatever, we aren't all perfect. The point is, I'm closer to perfect than most of you. Suckkaas. P.s. Wouldn't you rather hear someones over confidence, than hearing someones lack of confidence? POINT MADE!

Fact: the truth is hard to handle. Myth: Everyone can handle it. Because it does hurt, not everyone can digest it. Oh well, they'll figure it out. But, seriously, when someone goes to the degree of being so self conscious they just complain about how fat their legs are, is ridiculous. Your literally asking people to lie to you. They are never going to tell you your legs are fat because they know you are going to hurt by it. Now most of you women are thinking, "Omg my legs ARE fat. Ugh I hate myself, I need to go work out and suck on a tooth pick to curb my appetite. " No shut up, if you really want to know if your legs are fat ask your enemy 10 bucks says she'll tell you. If you don't want to do that then you really need to consider getting over yourself. We all have problems, and yours are at the bottom of that list. Ooops, truth hurts.

YEAH SO SHUT UP AND STOP COMPLAINING! Aren't you just trying to live up to everyone else's standards anyways? Well this is what they think. But I do agree we all need a little self improvement. If your ugly as fuck on the inside, it does not matter what you look like on the outside. But the cool people will always be beautiful. Fact.

Here's the therapy you need.

My Perfect Husband, Ken

I am writing this blog because it was requested. Here is goes.
What do girls look for in a guy? What makes a guy desirable to all women? What qualities bump a guy to the top of a womens' list? Looks vs. Personality? All these questions answered in my opinion? Here is a description of what my perfect husband would be.

Wealthy, handsome, tall, funny, smart.

In detail:

I love going to sporting events. The people, the scene, the food, the sport. It is just a great place to be. Honestly, I think being the wife of a professional athlete would be awesome. Athletes are hot. In shape, usually tall, competitive, sought after, successful. All these characteristics are very appealing. From a woman's stand point, being admired & envied by all is like winning a grammy. All the time. I could easily be a stay at home mom, live in a nice mansion, and best of all get floor seats!!! While this may look great from what I have described, every relationship and career has its downfall. The fame could get to my desirable honey, making him selfish, stuck up, and lazy. These are characteristics I am not a fan of. Plus, he would be on the road a lot...with all those groupie whores. Statistically, it would be a fake marriage that would end in billions of dollars of divorce payments. Ehhh, I will take the alternative route. I must say I am a little torn however.

Alternative.

Successful, passionate, intelligent, humorous, confident, sexually appealing, honest, trustworthy, open minded.

In detail:

Honestly, I need a husband who is similar to myself. Not to be narcissistic, but I am usually the only person I can stand for long periods of time. Haha. But I believe everyone has a counterpart, and here is how I would describe what I think mine would be.
Striking at a glance, and I'm praying to be taller than myself, and I would be instantly attracted to him. As we got to chatting, he would reveal some of his hobbies or interest. Outdoorsy, has played sports, maybe plays an instrument, but mainly he has something he is passionate about. To me, when you have a passion, you have found something that is in sync with your soul. Something your good at because you want to be good at it, and you are. It also usually means your confident. At least in some aspect in your life. Confidence is important, and a huge factor determining if you are relationship worthy. It holds the power to usually make any individual attractive or demanding of respect. The conversation continues, maybe he cracks a joke, or makes light fun of something I do. HUMOR PEOPLE! Life is serious already. Laughing is a universal symbol, the cure to illness, and the best way to start liking someone. Make a women laugh, you just took the first step to finding her heart. After we established that we are interested in each other, he will be spontaneous, ask me if I'm doing anything and if I'm not will ask me to go do something. Why wait? Life is too short to play by the rules. The more untraditional the better. However, the only type of traditional role I would want him to be playing is that of respect. Anyways, anyone can take someone to dinner. I do it all the time with my dad. Do you really want to remind me of my father? That's what I thought. If he is going to be my perfect husband, or already is, he has a kid imagination, and a knack for curiosity. Wants to experience the world, and break free of routine. I'm talkin activities like going to the aquarium, surfing, long boarding, rock climbing, swimming, art walk, window shopping, road trip. Dinner is just so awkward when you don't know someone, I feel bad making you pay. But if I know you, you better be paying ;) My perfect husband will also have moves. Be an expert at flirtation. Know how to read a women. We literally give off clues all the time. Pick the fuck up on them, if you really want to turn a women on. My husband will be hard to get. I know how to run, and rarely anyone can keep pace. But my husband will know how to change the game, make me want him. Here's an example, so maybe you guys out there will catch on, you know at the end of the date, when you and your date are saying good bye? You know that really awkward moment when you just keep repeating that you had a good time, unsure if she wants to kiss or not? Well if you guys did have a good time, and you do want to kiss her, be bold. Look her straight in the eye, lightly brush her cheek, if she isn't protesting; continue. Gently cup her chin and passionately go in for it. But DO NOT go passionately in her mouth with your tongue. EW EW EW.  It should be like in the movies. They call em chick flicks for a reason. Be the first one to stop kissing, smile and say good bye. That shows you have game, discipline, confidence, and more than likely you just did something no other guy has. Guys just always want more and it is so obvious. My husband will be a man of mystery. Keeps me on my toes. Not like in a horror movie though. In a good way, like always being pleasantly surprised.

Um I'm not sure if I got a little carried away or if this is just a really in depth topic for me, but this blog is the longest I have ever posted. I think I will stop now. If you do want me to write more, just post a comment and I will unleash the beast!

Futuristic Wonderment

How the FUCK am I supposed to know what to do after high school? Like we got people on both sides of the spectrum. My heart is not exactly helping me out too much either. My brain is too indecisive, and college is expensive. It's hard to know what you want, if you haven't done something before. You can never fully know what to expect, even though the label says, "YOU BELONG HERE". College is my next step, the big one of many, I just wish I was more motivated. Or maybe I wish I was more in tune with what it is I truly do want. If only the options could present themselves to me by smacking me in the face. There are so many things that could go wrong, and so many that could go right. I just hope that I don't lose sight.

USA: The Land of the Plenty

It is that famous year that all us American's look forward too; Thanksgiving. And why? Ask any person between the ages of 2-58 and they'll tell you. Food! As a modest person I must yes, this is why I like Thanksgiving too. But not to go without saying it shamelessly. On average, adults are 33.8% obese, which is one-third of U.S. adults. Approximately 17%, or 12.5 MILLION of children and adolescents aged 2-19 years of age are obese. That is a lot of fat individuals. On the contrary, 925 MILLION people do not have enough to eat. 98% of them live in developing countries. 10.9 MILLION children under five die in developing countries. 60% of those deaths can be accounted by malnutrition and hunger-related diseases. 571,950 people in America were expected to die from cancer in 2011. That's 1,500 people dying from cancer each day. Okay, time to compare.The only reason why cancer might be more prevalent coming from developing countries is because they encounter more cancer from disease. The diseases are, hepatitis virus (B & C), or human papillomavirus which causes 98% of cervical cancers.

I'm sure you are all bright enough to draw your own conclusions, or at least be able to finish mine. I am done trying to persuade people to think my way or not. It's quite exhausting actually. But here are the facts. Enjoy your Thanksgiving you fat fucks. ;)

"There is no region in the world that has a high incidence of breast cancer without a concurrent colon cancer burden."

"The Western lifestyle is characterized by a highly caloric diet, rich in fat, refined carbohydrates and animal protein, combined with low physical activity, resulting in an overall energy imbalance. It is associated with a multitude of disease conditions, including obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, arterial hypertension and cancer."

Here are some resources, feel free to check them out. http://www.wfp.org/hunger/stats

http://www.cancer.org/acs/groups/content/@epidemiologysurveilance/documents/document/acspc-029771.pdf

http://www.who.int/mediacentre/news/releases/2003/pr27/en/

Something Never Finished

The moonlight dances lightly across the vast endless ocean. The ripples in the water are the only difference it holds from the sky. Does the sky ever wish it was the ocean? Or the ocean the sky? One can never be the other, much like you can never be me. But as far as a wishing goes, it can only...

Beauty Theory

The only kind of beauty that is appreciated today is the kind that is permanently frozen forever. Because as a material based society we only seek meaning to that which is holdable. To see pulchritude as an object, is to see dreams as a substance. I look around everyday, I see all the ugly, horrid, repulsive behaviors that mankind deliberates. There is so little emphasis on the beauty of what people do. Is that why beauty is so hard to come by? Are we all just stuck in our black holes of ugliness, that even trying to reach for the light of beauty is a far fetched dream?Think about where beauty lies; love, expression, trust, compassion. No one wants love; they would rather hook up. Expression is often bashed; it does not fit the norm. Trust; so often broken. We are all scared to trust at all. Compassion; over thrown by greed of the dollar bill. My vision of beauty is something effortless, careless, balanced. Yet, all the things that can represent beauty is a struggle to attain effortlessly, carelessly, with ease. I suppose my thoughts are slightly contaminated by the ugliness of my own life. The holes of emptiness are so easily filled by that of negativity. Seeping in unwelcome, but not asked to leave. Because feeling something is better than not feeling anything at all.

Ponder This!

How do we ever know what is right? What is wrong? If every situation has context, then how can we make right and wrong so general? Especially in relationships. Fights specifically. One person is reacting to something the other person did. Than it escalades and grows into a fire based off of heightened emotion. An interesting idea is to think about where something begins. The very very beginning. You can take anything, like fights for an example, do they really begin when someone does something to piss you off, or was it something built up? Even you didn't really start at your parents intercourse (Ew, I cannot believe I just said that.) because if they never met at that coffee shop that one day, they never would of had sex, and you would never be here. But think even before that, if they didn't get stuck in traffic, they wouldn't have been late getting to bed, and they wouldn't have been sleep deprived and needed coffee the next day. Uh yeah, it can go on and on but I'm running out of ideas for fake scenarios. But just ponder that. If nothing really has a beginning, than nothing can really end, right? Here's a real mind bender, if we can never hang on to anything permanently, then what do we really have? I guess this feeds into the idea of materialism and why it works so well for our society. It gives us something to hold onto.

High School is...

Bullshit, horse shit, human shit, and dog shit. All mixed together to create a puree of worthless (shit) lessons, meaningless assignments, shallow judgements and freshmen.

Go pessimism!

College is...

Expensive, frustrating, tedious, confusing, time consuming and the only thing that gets me through everyday of high school.

Blah blah blah

Love and relationships are something that is born from time, patience, and hard work when you have one worth fighting for. While the wait is what matters, it also can be the hardest time for those of you who have, “never been kissed”. Day dreaming never ceases to be endless, and the hopes of ever meeting “the one” seem to become smaller and smaller. Love is far from a logical thing. Completely the right side of your brain. There is a component that every small relationship needs, fire. It does seem if the spark is never there, it leads to a friendship.

Don’t get me wrong, single can be wonderful. But there is never that security that would come from being in a relationship. That person you can turn to when you don’t want to turn to anyone else. The ability to build up, instead of always starting from scratch. It is being able to have someone to rely on to be there at your worst. Someone to appreciate you at your best, but most of all having someone who wants to be there for you.

I don’t know if it is the support that would come from being in a relationship, or allowing the walls to finally be let down for someone, that intrigues me. It sucks at times, always having to make a good impression. Thinking every guy could be it. The person I can settle down with and have a long deep pleasurable relationship with. It’s hard not to try and see myself with every guy I am remotely interested in. Thinking ahead to what our lives would be like if we were to fall in love.

I got over always asking the question of, when, and the insecurities of doubt, but now I am more along the lines of, who. I am still trying to let go of trying so hard to make it happen, and rather let myself be open to whoever wants to come in. Focusing on myself to be interesting, independent, and stable. I want to have a satisfying relationship, for both myself, and whoever my partner may be.

The waiting has made me more patient and less consumed of the idea of when it is going to happen. I believe when the time is right it will happen. Until than, doing me is the only thing I can do. Should do. As for my biological perspective on relationships, it is a little bit more difficult at times. Especially when I get with someone who does it well. But it is not just the sex that I want, but that person to open up and be sexual with. Instead of having to pick and choose who to text, just to know I want to text him. I want to share feelings with someone, have it be ours, instead of just mine. While it is still fun to be with other people, there is always the nagging thought that I want it to be with just one special person. Someone I can grow with. So I am wondering, when will it be right?

Over-Fu*ked

The thing about trends is they come on so gradually, that when you actually realize what is happening you feel some what hood winked. Like waking up so unfortunately early in the morning, that you must squint your eyes to keep from being blinded by light. I am being blinded by the reality that our culture is over-sexualized. I must squint to remember how the way used to be. When music was about heart-break, or having your first kiss, maybe even keeping a "dirty little secret". Fast forwarding to now where every other word is about exploiting a woman, and than drinking to the conquered quest. Being a single girl in this society, I'm beginning to realize how backwards building an intimate relationship has become. The sex, on average, comes before the relationship does. UMM? Did, or did it not, used to be that sex was something that was anticipated to happen well after the relationship had begun? It is sad to know that the words: slut, whore, bitch, douche, douche bag, cunt and dick are used to describe each other. They are becoming so common they are basically integrated into our language and conversations on the daily. Not to mention that guys are applauded for, "getting some ass". Yeah, well that ass, isn't a donkey, your talking about another human being. What happened to relationships being based, not off of how good the sex is, but rather the feelings of admiration for the person. To me, this over sexualized society is bringing on a new era of prejudice. Men and women are to blame, media, and other industries as well. However, only you can stop yourself from being over-fuc*ked.

Life is all about Perception.

Your senses help you understand the world that is around you. Your perceptions are your interpretations of the information you gather from your senses. When it comes to people there is always more to know than what your senses can gather. We all have a long history that trails behind us like a beaten path. Try taking a moment to be equal with someone. Minus the societal boundaries and just listen to what each other has to say. Actually get to know someone before summing them up in one look. You might be surprised at whats below the surface. And you might make a friend who becomes something more than expected. After all, is it really that hard?

Dying is always bad.

Being a spontaneous type of gal, and having a serious case of roots, I decided to swing by the local Walmart and purchase some cheap hair die. Well, that's where I went wrong. Cheap=cheap looking. My subconscious was trying to redirect me the entire time, but of course, I was over powered by the sense of instant gratification. Now I am sitting here, with tears streaking down my face which match the streaks of the tinted orange/blondish hair I now have. Can you say cheap bimbo whore? Here I come Colfax.